


As Much As I Ever Could

by tobioiisms



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Purple Hawke, Slow Burn, Tattoo Artist Fenris, small (5'1") fenris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobioiisms/pseuds/tobioiisms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris runs a rather famous tattoo shop in Los Angeles, he himself as the most wanted tattoo artist there. Who could blame anyone? He has a gift with the needle and designs, the white tattoos he has all over his body proof of that. There's one problem; he's the target for everyone's affections. Fenris is convinced that he doesn't date until a particular customer comes in one day, and it doesn't hit him at first, but when it does it's all over.</p><p>A story about falling in love, letting yourself be loved, and a damn good tattoo artist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fenris could call his life one of simplicity. He got up, fed his cat, pulled on his uniform for the morning routine, proceeded with the morning essentials, went to work, and came home. Of course, that was the simplified version of his work day, but the basis was still there. Running a business had not been easy, especially beginning a tattoo parlor in Los Angeles, California. Talk about boldness, but Fenris was willing to take that chance and he was glad to know that it had paid off. Not only that, but the success that had come from it was something to relish in, especially from the background Fenris had come from.

The sound of a blaring alarm is the only thing that reaches Fenris' ears that early morn besides the sound of a soft grunt from his own mouth, palm reaching over to slam atop of the snooze button. He was _not_ a morning person, even though "morning" consisted of nine am, but that was still an ungodly hour for any person who despised the morning as much as he.

His eyes squint at the green numbers on the black clock, an old one that he wants to throw out more and more with each day, but there's something about having an old clock that feels...right to him. It's a feeling he can't explain.

Untangling himself from his plaid comforter, gray and white and heavy upon his frame, Fenris chills at the coolness that fills his entire body. Just as much as the morning, he hates the cold and it's no wonder that Fenris moved to California. Los Angeles was just the success perk of it all, for Fenris was never picky about his residence until it came to being a business owner, despite it not being something on the multinational level.

Almost an instant later he hears a pattering on the hardwood floor of the hallway in his apartment, a fond smile coming to his lips at just the simple sound. The sight brings an even brighter smile and fingers curl over a soft ball of fluff in the form of a black cat. She's probably just visiting him for food that morning, but her presence brings him joy regardless.

"Good morning to you too, Via," Fenris says only in fondness, his palm passing over her head once more before he pads off towards his kitchen himself, Via following him in tow.

In complete honesty, Fenris had almost gotten a snake. He'd always been interested in them for a reason he couldn't understand, but Via called out to him. Quite literally, in fact. He had been on the way to the pet store to look at the collection when he had stumbled by an ally. It was winter, so he'd wanted to make his trip as quick as possible, but he couldn't ignore the soft, weak mew of a kitten that had been abandoned by it's mother. Fenris knew he was capable of being gruff, blunt, and even aloof more often than not, but he wasn't cruel. Especially not with animals.

That had been the end of it, and while Via was frail and skinny then, she was now well fed with a shining coat that showed Fenris took great care of her. While simultaneously taking care of his own breakfast, Fenris pours the hard cat food into Via's bowl, the sound it makes practically lighting up her already wide, golden eyes, and Fenris just smiles to himself once again. He makes her very happy, that much is for sure.

He eats his pancakes -- previously frozen, he'd never been good at cooking -- and finishes the morning duties before petting Via one last time and locking the door behind him. He's now clad in a solid black tank top which is suitable enough for the eighty degree weather of early September, thick rimmed glasses that hipsters only seemed to wear nowadays, but ones that Fenris needed, black skinny jeans that hugged his long legs perfectly, and combat boots that were, of course, black. Take a guess at what Fenris' favorite color is?

That's right. Red.

Another thing about Los Angeles was that the traffic seemed never ending. Fenris had lived in far more rural places before and there were times of night where the traffic died down, where the surrounding area was silent, even if it was just for a little while. That was definitely not the case with Los Angeles, as he would come to learn upon living there. Anyone who thought otherwise was either blind or clearly stupid. That being said, it was easier to own his own vehicle compared to taking public transportation every single day. Not only would it be problematic for his wallet, public transportation in Los Angeles seemed like more of an inconvenience than anything.

It takes about a half an hour to reach the building of his tattoo parlor, the colored sign already turned on, flashing the singular word "Seheron" before they were even set to open. At first, Fenris has to wonder just why the sign was on, but when he saw the sleek black Corvette alone in the employees section of the parking lot, Fenris didn't have to question himself any further. A soft sigh emits through his nostrils, and before he has a chance to even open his door, a familiar face is showing on the other side of it.

Rolling down his window, Fenris gives an unamused look, "You opened early _again_?"

Isabela just grins at him, leaning against the frame of his open window while pressing her chin in the palm of her hand, "I thought someone would ask for me this time but, as usual, they're all asking for you. Some are just going to have to settle for me or wait, it seems."

Fenris rolls his eyes, but truly isn't surprised. Isabela is actually one of his more requested tattoo artists, besides himself of course, but a lot of that is based on her looks. Despite not being interested in her, in _anyone_ , Fenris isn't blind and does truly believe her to be gorgeous. Who wouldn't think so? Dark skinned, molten eyed, and hair as caramel as her skin, she was the epitome of beauty. She had a perfect body, her legs long and her chest busty enough that Fenris admittedly had to control his gaze the first time he saw her. That wasn't even a norm for him, in fact, it was quite nearly a _never_.

While crawling out of his car, Isabela moves to the side to allow him to get out, arms crossed against her chest, hip jutted to the side, and there is some form of amusement in her eye that Fenris just can't read. Something's happened that morning and he isn't aware of it. Not yet anyway.

"Isabela."

"What is it, Kitten?" she chirps back in feigned innocence, the devious quirk of her lips all the more giving her away.

"Spill it. Why did you open early this time?"

"Oh Fenris, I told you already! I thought someone would ask for me this time. Turns out someone was just _dying_ to see you, though. The best part is that he's totally hot."

Oh great. Here she goes with this again. Isabela frequently tried to hook guys and girls (but mostly guys; Isabela preferred most of the women herself and couldn't give them up) into flirting with Fenris, despite the continuous reminders from him that he doesn't date and doesn't plan to anytime soon. He'd dated before, and it wasn't as if he didn't have time for it, but he didn't trust anyone enough to fall into slow pining. It was just unrealistic for him. He didn't participate in casual sex, nor did he partake in casual dating. It wasn't him and Isabela seemed to forget that from time to time. Conveniently so.

"What did you say to him?" he inquires as they wander towards the building now, Fenris shoving his keys into his pants pockets for temporary storage.

"Oh, nothing. Just that you'd take him first over anyone else who got here...and that you might be interested in more."

"Isabela!"

"Come on, Fenris, he _walked_ here!" she pleads, and that catches Fenris off guard. It wasn't often people walked to his shop, in Los Angeles _in general_ , especially considering that there weren't many apartment complexes nearby. Besides, his parking lot was completely free, and people took that as a gift over anything in this city.

Fenris doesn't say anything further to that, only treads into the parlor to find that it already holds a handful of people. He wants to question Isabela further on just what time she'd turned on the open sign, or why she hadn't been working on any of them just yet, but decides that leaving it alone would be the best bet for now. He really doesn't plan on having this conversation when he's, according to Isabela's random sign usage, late to work. He could punish her for that but it seemed like too much trouble, especially when she did mean well for him.

The other employees are likely to arrive soon, so Fenris keeps in mind that he's probably going to have some irritated customers, but it's nothing he can't ignore. Customers, more often than not, knew of Seheron's popularity and knew that there was a waiting list for people who came early. They should know what to expect when entering the shop. Fenris disliked bragging about his parlor's success, but it still felt good to know that so many people enjoyed it. 

Merrill comes in a moment before Fenris is about to ask who had come in so early, the one who had requested him first and foremost (Why didn't he run this shop alone if so many were going to request him?). She's a short girl, even a little smaller than Fenris, which is a surprise because of his short stature of five feet and one inch, with brunette hair and bright green eyes. The most noticeable feature of her though are the light tattoos across her forehead, cheeks, and under her chin. It was...odd to see a girl like her involved with tattoos, let alone getting such intricate ones on her face, but who was he to comment? He was the one with white body tattoos quite literally everywhere on his skin.

Well. Almost everywhere.

"Good morning, Fenris!" she chirps happily, the opposite of him in the sense that she is a complete morning person.

Fenris simply nods at her in greeting before she disappears to the back and Isabela reappears, leaning over the counter to point out a particular man sitting in a chair right by the door.

"That's the guy!" she says with excitement which seems...strange, but Fenris doesn't comment on it.

It's as if he knows she's talking about him because the male turns his head to glance at the two of them, excitement in molten eyes. By looking at this guy, he has to wonder if this is his first tattoo because he has the glee of a teenager getting their first tattoo when he's most likely just around the age of thirty.

In fact, Fenris notices more and more things about him as he gets closer. The first thing he notices is just how genuinely _massive_ the other male is. It isn't even just his stature that's massive -- Fenris guesses about six foot even, six foot one? -- it's his body too. He's wearing a plaid shirt -- red -- that looks like it's about to burst at the seams from the muscle mass underneath it and it strains even more with each movement that the stranger makes. Just how does the other get his clothes on in the morning? Fenris is suddenly starting to feel smaller and smaller by the moment. The other has a full head of dark brown hair that goes with a thick beard of the same color that quite nearly makes the other look like a lumberjack more than anything else. It's humorous. As he trails further, his eyes linger on a patch of chest hair in the center of chest, just now noticing the gray tank top that shields the rest of his chest from sight, sans the outline of his muscles, for a singular moment before continuing further, then eying up quickly.

 _No_.

Isabela is smirking on the sidelines, but Fenris does his best to ignore her anyway.

After getting past the initial shock of his height, Fenris actually begins to converse with the other, trying to distract from the fact that he had been observing him quite obviously, enough that Isabela had noticed it. It's embarrassing that she had been right about his appearance, enough for him to silently agree that the other was, indeed, hot. If the other does notice, he doesn't say anything, and Fenris is grateful for that.

"Come back with me," Fenris starts and leaves Isabela and Merrill to deal with the next customer who will more than likely grow irritated over the fact that Fenris won't be available for them for the time being. Oh well. He was only one man.

As the other sits down in the chair, Fenris has to hold back a slight smirk at how funny he looks. The chair is tiny already, but with the other male in it, it's practically disappeared under his frame. How funny.

"Ah, looks like you're gonna need a bigger seat for me," the brunet teases with a grin on his lips, glancing over at Fenris. His gaze, while sitting, practically met Fenris' standing height. He couldn't believe it.

"Coming up," Fenris jokes, albeit dryly, and pulls a chair over along with the needles, ink, and other materials needed for the job. He did this like it was second nature at this point and truthfully, it quite nearly was despite the fact he'd only been doing this for three years. Perhaps it was the fact that he had tried to be a freelance artist in the past. That didn't work so well for him and he preferred not to dwell on the details. Not now.

"So, what are we doing for you today, sir?"

"Hawke."

"What?" Fenris inquires, minor confusion in his gaze.

"Call me Hawke. My first name's Garrett, but Hawke sounds a lot cooler," the man -- Hawke -- says to him, and Fenris doesn't know what to say at first. He doesn't usually have people introducing themselves before he gives them tattoos, but who was he to complain about an odd customer? Maybe he was just overly friendly.

Keeping an even tone, Fenris temporarily leans back in his chair, "Alright Hawke. What'll it be?"

Pulling out his phone, Hawke taps his finger on the screen a couple of times before bringing up a picture of a design that...Fenris doesn't really know how to explain. It's an interesting design, that much was for sure, but there was no proper title for it other than a couple of lines that formed together to give a detailed design that would quite easily be a breeze for Fenris.

"It's from a video game I play when I'm not working. My friends tell me I look a lot like the main character, which I think is kind of funny actually, but the cause of this is a dare," Hawke explains as Fenris prepares his station further, adjusting his tools and inks.

"Hasn't anyone told you that getting tattoos on a dare isn't exactly the best idea? That's in line with getting one while you're drunk," Fenris responds cooly, and while he sounds like a scolding mother in word, the slight amusement on his features says otherwise. "What color do you want the tattoo to be?"

"Red," he starts and Fenris' lips quirk just slightly at that. Generally people want black so he doesn't get to use many of the other colors, but whenever someone requests a red tattoo, then those tend to turn out best. All of his tattoo designs were good, but perhaps he was biased on the red ones.

"And, yes, I have been told that. It's a good thing I actually don't mind getting this one."

"Remove your shirt," Fenris interrupts evenly, not thinking about what he's said until the other removes the plaid shirt, hanging it on the back of the chair before sitting right back down. Now Fenris can see his arm muscles in all of their glory, even more bulgy now that his shirt was removed. Again, he's embarrassed for staring, especially when his eyes linger to his chest once more, causing Fenris to shake his head just slightly. This was silly. He was a professional.

Rising from his seat, partially to distract himself, Fenris moves over to the sink to throughly wash himself once more -- he had already done so that morning -- before dealing with Hawke. Nails clipped short, hair done in a fresh new undercut, and completely clean, Fenris was ready for his first client. A client that is staring at him.

"What?" he inquires, not in irritation, but complete curiosity.

"You're serious about this aren't you? I mean, obviously, Seheron's success is crazy, but...there's just something about you," Hawke muses as if he's in adoration of Fenris, something that the male himself cannot understand.

Laughing awkwardly, Fenris coughs softly afterwards and ducks his head. Was that a compliment for him? If so, he didn't take it so well. While pulling on his gloves and his apron, Fenris sits back down in his chair to assemble the needle with the proper ink so it would be ready for Hawke's design. "Do you want a black outline?"

"Would you recommend it? I want to be as aesthetically pleasing as possible."

Now a real chuckle comes out of Fenris' mouth, a faint smile on his lips, "For this piece, I would recommend it."

"Then go for it."

Interchanging the red cartage with the black, Fenris' mind starts whirring as he pictures the design carefully in his head. It's a simple one, but that doesn't mean he will take it any less seriously. Fenris isn't cocky with his work, he just knows what he's capable of. When Hawke directs him to where exactly he wants it, he has to resist a grin when looking up at the male that he's about to work on.

"I hope you don't mind having a lack of body hair in this one spot for a little while," Fenris explains, although he has a feeling that the other's body hair grows a lot faster than the average man. He has so much of it. He's practically a bear.

"Oh, sorry, you have to shave me? I don't think I'll be able to go on, I should leave."

Sensing the joking in his tone, Fenris wonders if he's normally this...charming. If that was the word for it. It was often that people tried to flirt with him, again, not bragging, it's the truth, so they would turn on the charm meter so much that it would be quite literally annoying to Fenris, but this was different. Assuming that he was flirting, which Fenris hoped he wasn't, he was endearing over annoying and Fenris finds himself actually enjoying his time with Hawke.

Cleaning the area first, Fenris is careful to do so before shaving away the hairs of the entire area. There wasn't an extensive amount of hair present, truthfully, but there was still more than he'd seen on the average man. It wasn't disgusting to Fenris, in fact, it didn't bother him at all. He'd never been so lucky with body hair, so he tended to have more of a "pretty" appeal compared to a rugged one. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.

For this part, Hawke is a good customer. He doesn't complain and watches Fenris with complete interest. Most people either wince or are so nervous about the pain of a tattoo that they clench up and become problematic for Fenris to say the least. It's always nice to have a cooperating customer first thing in the morning. As for the actual act of the tattoo itself, Hawke does clench every once in a while at a particularly hard sting, but is otherwise compliant. Again, Fenris appreciates it. Fenris works in silence for some time before Hawke's voice comes out, startling him just a little, but not enough to genuinely make him jump.

"Are you dating anyone?"

And there it is. The question. Fenris purses his lips together and continues with the tattoo, not saying anything. He doesn't want to give Hawke false hopes, but there's something about his silence that's especially deafening and ignoring him almost seems cruel. Again, Fenris is not cruel.

"Not right now. I haven't in years."

"Seriously? Wow. It's a surprise you're not taken," Hawke states boldly and, again, sounds like he's in awe of Fenris.

"You're not the first to think so. Is this about what Isabela told you? That dark skinned girl who let you come in early? She's always trying to get people to hit on me, thinks I need to get out more." That's when Fenris stops, not wanting to go into great detail.

"No, in fact, I actually came here for you without her influence," Hawke explains and Fenris begins listening once more. "My friends told me you were the greatest tattoo artist in Los Angeles and I had to come here even though I live about thirty minutes away by car and there are closer tattoo parlors nearby. My car's broken down though and it's been a pain in the ass, but I still wanted to come here. They didn't tell me about your good looks though, so that was just a plus."

While the flirtation makes his chest feel tight in a way that he doesn't understand, he ignores it and continues as if the conversation were normal, "I see. It makes sense now why Isabela said you walked here. I was surprised when she said that."

"You thought I was crazy, didn't you?"

"Perhaps."

Laughing now, careful not to jostle too much, he seems too lost in the conversation to remember the occasional pain of the needle, "Can't say I blame you. It's been a total pain, like I said."

Fenris goes silent again, his concentration focused on the tattoo and it's overall simplicity. It was nearly done at this point, the only things left being the shading and the thickening of the outline, but that was all. He wondered if it was strange to think that he would almost miss this customer, that he would most likely never see him again, but Fenris dismisses the thought from his mind. Again, no. He couldn't do that to himself, he'd promised that he wasn't going to allow someone in his life.

"Come to dinner with me sometime," Hawke interrupts then, and Fenris has to resist an eye roll.

"I told you I don't date, Hawke."

"Then come to the bar with me and my friends. I can show off your amazing work and you in person," Hawke suggests, and while it still sounds like dangerous territory to Fenris, he sighs as he feels himself starting to give. Just a short visit to the bar...it was nothing.

"Which bar is it?"

Hawke almost visibly perks up at Fenris' further questioning, probably glad not to be immediately shut down once again, "The Hanged Man. It's not that far from here, actually."

Fenris had heard of that bar, and while he didn't go out and drink often, he knew this bar definitely had it's reputation. During the day and the evening, it was your average bar with especially good drinks. Once the clock hit two in the morning, though? Absolute insanity and was the place for partying. Fenris genuinely hopes that the other isn't inviting him for the night life, although Fenris doesn't really get that vibe from Hawke.

"I've never been," Fenris replies cooly, putting the finishing touches on the tattoo.

"Then let me take you. Let me hear you say that you'll come," Hawke insists, giving this look to the other that's practically begging him to do what Hawke asks.

A soft sigh escapes through his lips once more, eyes flickering up to meet Hawke's molten gaze, "Fine. I'll come with you. This isn't a date, though."

Grinning from ear to ear, Hawke looks damn well proud of himself. Again, why was he giving the guy false hope? "Great. I'll get your number?"

"I'll put it on your receipt. I'm finished, by the way."

Hawke glances down at the tattoo that's now on his arm, almost as if he'd forgotten about it in the midst of talking to Fenris, and he looks just as excited, if not more, than he had when he'd first walked in.

"Holy shit! They really are as good as you say!"

"It was a simple tattoo design, Hawke."

"Come on Fenris, it's still better than the average tattoo artist could do," Hawke states with confidence, as if he knows every tattoo artist in Los Angeles, every tattoo artist in the world.

Shaking his head, Fenris rises from his seat to place his tools in the proper cleaning spot, removing his gloves to clean as well, and then hangs his apron on a hook by the sink where it had been before. They make their way up to the front register after Fenris washes his hands once more, Isabela shooting him a wink on the way there. He doesn't know if she could hear their conversation, but he rolls his eyes at her anyway.

After telling Hawke his price and getting paid for his work, Fenris writes his number on the receipt just like he'd said he would, feeling rather strange about doing such a thing. He hadn't written his number for anyone in this sort of context in so long, so it felt like he was doing something foreign or wrong while his brain kept screaming that he should stop only for his heart to kick logic to the side. Apparently logic didn't matter any longer, although Fenris was certainly not planning on taking...whatever this was fast. The slow burn was what generally drove others away, but it was what Fenris needed.

"We're going on Saturday. I'll text you the details later..." he pauses, trailing, before glancing to the name tag on Fenris' tank top, "Fenris."

The way he says it sends an odd chill up his spine and Fenris doesn't know how to feel about it so he elects to ignore it, nodding to the taller male before Hawke throws him a grin and he's out the door. Saturday. It was Tuesday...so Fenris had plenty of time to prepare himself, although it wasn't anything he would put much time into. It wasn't a date, it was practically a meet and greet. He would treat it as such.

Later, Fenris would flop down on his bed after a long day of frustrating customers, Isabela's teasing, and Merril's confusion over the matter, quietly muttering to Via about how stupid he was for getting himself into this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it to the end of this, then hello! I've actually been thinking about writing a fenhawke fanfiction for a while, but it didn't truly hit me on what I wanted to do until last night at 4 in the morning, of course, the night before classes. I'm not sure how long this is going to be and am truly not sure what I will do with it, but I hope it's enjoyable for those who read it anyway! Feedback is appreciated!
> 
> Anyway, some side notes; tags are going to be added as time goes on and the rating on this fanfiction is DEFINITELY subject to change. It might include some nsfw content along the way, so if that isn't your thing, then this is your forewarning. Also, I have a roleplay blog where I write more Fenris things outside of fanfiction. If anyone is interested in that, feel free to check me out/follow me at chainbreaks! I look forward to following this journey with you guys, as this will probably end up being the longest fic I ever write :)!
> 
> Oh, and if you're wondering what the title inspiration is from, it's the title of a song by City and Colour. I found it on a fenhawke playlist ironically. I recommend it!
> 
> EDIT: RedTheAlien gave me some really good feedback on location based facts for this fanfiction, so I have gone through and edited the story just a little bit to make the setting in LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. I don't know much about this place either, but from what they've told me it seems to suit what I've described the most. An apology to those who have already read this, for there will probably be some confusion, but thankfully it hasn't been too many so it shouldn't be too much of a fault just yet. Thank you again RedTheAlien, I really appreciated your thought out comment.


	2. Chapter 2

Since the Tuesday of Hawke's arrival in the shop, Fenris found moments where he wished he could take back what he'd said, to at least attempt to back out of the date -- no, it wasn't a date -- _meeting_ that he had practically promised to attend. To Fenris, getting Hawke's hopes up seemed almost as cruel as continually rejecting the poor bastard over and over again. Fenris just had a feeling about Hawke; he seemed like the type who would return to the shop again and again just to try and convince Fenris to go out with him, but not in way that would annoy Fenris. Perhaps that was conceited to think, but it wasn't what Fenris meant by thinking that. In fact, he could hardly understand the attraction in the first place.

No, he didn't think this because he was being particularly negative about his looks or his being, but Hawke was a different sort of specimen. Or, as Isabela would put it, "hot," which wasn't so far from the truth, but Fenris preferred to word it differently. He had this appeal about him that went further than just his strange, oddly attractive, lumberjack appeal, and perhaps that was why Fenris was letting this entire situation dig a hole into the center of his mind and eat his thoughts out from the inside. A dramatic comparison indeed, but Fenris felt as if it was plaguing him day by day.

He didn't know what to call this feeling, but he would best describe it as an "interest." It was just easier to convey how he felt by saying that because "crush" (as Isabela accused him of having) sounded like too much and "boyfriend" was inaccurate. Besides...it was all the more possible that his appeal to Hawke's appearance was merely platonic. Fenris had seen plenty of attractive people in his time that he had felt no romantic interest in.

"----And I bet you're moaning _soooo_ loudly as Hawke's---"

And that's when Isabela's vocals finally rings clear to him, his head whipping over to look at her in complete shock, making it even more apparent that he truly had not been listening to her the entire time she'd been talking. Perhaps that was her point by saying something so crude so suddenly, or at least...what he'd caught of it.

They currently resided in her Corvette, Fenris in the passenger's seat and Isabela in the driver's seat, and she was taking him to a local bar that they knew well. It was only Friday, and while Fenris didn't go out to drink often, let alone two days in a row, he was allowing it to happen this once. Despite his clashing personality with Isabela, the two got along more than he and Merrill, who was a sweet girl but was honestly too...peppy, if that was the word, for his tastes. She was tolerable in the work place, but the two had not desired to expand past that. Besides, it was practically a tradition for the two to go out to this particular bar every Friday, for Seheron was closed on the weekends and this was often used as celebratory for their success during the week. Isabela was the creator of the original idea, naturally, and Merrill was often tired after the long day's work and proceeded to head home without regret.

"What are you going on about?" Fenris questions eventually, his eyebrows furrowed together with a look that holds pure irritation for the direction he _knows_ she was going with that sentence.

"If only you were listening!" Isabela cries at him, an obvious smirk placed on her features as she says it. "I was originally putting out a suggestion about that date you're going on with that hot guy who came in and requested you the other day, but then I saw that you weren't listening and decided to delve into the sweet, sensual story that's probably going on in your head right now."

An eye roll occurs, despite not being surprised, and Fenris does his best to hide that the shells of his ears are burning a light pink from embarrassment, "It's not a date, Isabela."

"And I'm not a virgin," she replies without missing a beat, not a semblance of shame as she says it.

"You have no sense of shame, do you?"

"You love me for it."

In truth, Isabela is really the only true friend Fenris has at the moment. He's spoken with people in the past, become acquainted with them through situations that had an obvious means to an end, but had never gotten farther than he had with Isabela. He'd stumbled upon her at a diner where she had been a waitress, and there was something about the way she was treated that grated at Fenris' nerves quite a bit. He had no particular interest in her back then, but Fenris wasn't a fan of bosses who would shout at their employees over insignificant matters.

Perhaps it was because he had just been starting his business himself, a brand new boss, but Fenris had felt like he had to say something. It wasn't a good situation for Isabela in the end because she ended up being fired from the diner, but Fenris had offered her a job in his own form of apology. She was just lucky to practically be a natural with the needle. It made the teaching process extremely simplistic for Fenris, something that he strongly appreciated. Despite their clashing interactions and the irritated looks he would throw at her at some points, he did care for her in a way he did no other person at the moment. Call him sentimental, but it was the truth.

"Anyway..." Fenris trails, wanting to remove their prior conversation from mind and discussion alike, "what were you trying to suggest?"

"I wanted to come with you. I think you need a copilot. When was the last time you were with someone, even just to get laid? Was it before you met me? That was years ago now, you know?"

"I know when I met you, I remember your former bosses' words quite clearly, and _no_ I don't need you coming with me. I can take care of it myself. You'll only make it worse by trying to imply that it's a date in the first place."

"The bastard," Isabela comments, but she looks liberated about her comment. Fenris doesn't blame her. "Fenris, it's going to become a date to you, trust me. That's what Hawke -- that's his name right?"

"Right."

"That's what Hawke intends for this "event" to turn into. He was oh so obviously hitting on you at the shop and I saw him with you a total of three times, so I'm sure it was hot and steamy in the back."

"Back to your point, please," Fenris presses, rubbing one of his temples in the process.

Isabela pulls her Corvette into the parking lot and turns to Fenris, the flashing light of the sign that read "The Blooming Rose" shining reds, oranges, and yellows onto her dark skin through the front windshield. "All I'm saying is that maybe you should give this guy a chance. I know you're opposed to the idea of dating, I mean, so am I, but I haven't seen you like this in a long time, Fenris. You haven't been this deep in thought about someone since...hell, since I met you most likely."

Fenris' last relationship did not go well to say the least. He still had fresh wounds from what had ended his freelance art career -- a man named Danarius being the cause of that -- and had gone around lying with another man while he was too drunk to remember his name. Or so he thought. Isabela was right, Fenris truly had not loved a person since the man that he thought he was just fooling around with in the beginning. It had been set up just like this; Fenris walking into a situation he thought he had control of when he, in fact, had absolutely no control over it whatsoever.

Danarius was a man that came before his lover of course, but his story left far more scars than Fenris preferred to speak of. He had been his former teacher in high school and had inspired upon Fenris' true love for art. He had offered many times to teach him further techniques and Fenris' mother, who was still alive at the time, had encouraged the idea. Fenris hadn't officially started taking private lessons from Danarius until he was twenty-three, no longer in the security of his mother, but perhaps Fenris should have started earlier to avoid what had happened. Danarius had touched him once, the way of it was wrong, and Fenris was powerless to it at the time. It left a scar on his mind that terrified him, and the repercussions only got worse after that first time. He hated dwelling on it, hence why Isabela did not bring anything up involving the man he had been in love with unless she was serious, because it would always lead back to thoughts of Danarius.

He had been somewhat better when he met Isabela as twenty-seven, but it was nothing that could permanently leave his thoughts. It was an honor alone that he'd told Isabela. It was why he couldn't date, why he couldn't let himself fall in love. He'd been abused for years by Danarius before having the courage, or perhaps the cowardice, to run away and try and make something of himself a few years later with tattoo art. Perhaps it was a good thing Isabela was there to help pull him out of fooling around with a man who promised to leave him many times, Fenris too blind to the problems from the freshness of wounds, otherwise he wouldn't have been here now.

"...I know. Even if I let it happen, I want it to be slow. I don't do casual sex, casual relationships even, you know that."

Reaching over to pinch his cheek, ruining the moment, Isabela grins just slightly at Fenris while doing so, "You're lightening up! That's the spirit, Kitten!"

And with that, she pulls her keys out of her car and leaps from the driver's seat, impatiently waiting for Fenris by staring him down on the other side of the window. Perhaps she was right. Isabela could be crude at times, but she was not stupid. Fenris knew this much. Letting a soft sigh escape through his lips, Fenris grabs his messenger bag and slides it over his shoulder, closing the black Corvette's door behind him.

The Blooming Rose was a bar that had previously been a strip club, so it still had some of the leftover basis of a night club even now. There was some crudeness about it even without actual strippers, something that Fenris didn't really know how to explain other than it simply being a feeling. Perhaps it was why Isabela enjoyed it over other bars, why they kept returning despite it being against Fenris' style in every form.

The lights shine into Fenris' eyes almost immediately as they walk in, his palm coming up to shield the neon pink luminescence from overtaking his sight, and continued to blindly follow Isabela until the light was gone. She was often the subject of getting hit on at this bar, anywhere actually, but Fenris didn't mind so much because it took the attention off of him for a moment. Seheron was the opposite, and he wasn't typically comfortable with compliments from strangers, so this was some sort of release for him. Besides, it was always fun to watch Isabela deal with the men who got a little too handsy.

Sitting down at one of the tables, Isabela orders a mango flavored vodka and Fenris orders Merlot wine like he always does. While they wait, Isabela perks up as if she's had an epiphany, a bright look in her eyes that almost worries Fenris for a moment.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Are you going to ask your little boyfriend if I can come to the bar with you or is he the type that gets turned on by surprise visitors?"

Again, crude. "He's not my boyfriend, and if you insist on going so badly, I can text him and ask."

"Oh, you're definitely his boyfriend if you have his number, Fenris."

"That's not how it works."

Their drinks come in due time and they don't talk of Hawke for the rest of the night, something that Fenris is genuinely happy about. As much as he sees Isabela's point, her consistent teasing about it is something that makes it feel like his heart might explode. Fenris had sent a text to Hawke about inviting Isabela, glad that Hawke at least knew her by walking in the shop that one day (perhaps Fenris was silently glad she had opened early that day) so that he didn't have to over explain himself, but didn't notice he received a text until the two were leaving at one in the morning.

[ Hawke; 11:25pm ] : _sure fenris! bring whoever you want...well not too many. just one is okay. yeah. just bring isabela. im babbling again right?_

Fenris can't help but smile slightly at the pixelated words on his phone screen. There's something endearing about the situation itself, how Hawke is babbling _through text_ like some teenager who's nervous about going on his first date. Not that their conversation was in any way date related but...

"Oh, did Hawke send you a dick pick?" Isabela bursts out, a little bit more than tipsy, but not quite drunk yet. Despite that, she was hardly any different than her normal self.

" _No_ , he was just telling me that you can come to the bar with us. Can you control yourself for one night?"

"Oh, you know I won't Kitten," Isabela slurs before climbing in the passenger's seat of her own car, Fenris sliding in the driver's seat. He knew he had a small glass of wine, but it certainly wasn't in his system anymore. It'd been three hours and the glass he had was so small that it would've been out of his system at least an hour ago.

Isabela falls asleep rather quickly and leaves Fenris to his thoughts, a place that could only contain good or bad subjects. He doesn't wake her until they arrive at her house, to which Fenris just explains to her that he'll walk home from there. He has no problem with it; Isabela lives within five minutes of his apartment complex and he sees no problems walking that short of a distance.

When he gets home, he immediately greets Via with a gentle pat to the top of her head, smoothing her fluffed fur in the process, hardly changing out of his clothes before collapsing onto his bed to rest for the night, thoughtless of Hawke in that short amount of time.

* * *

The work day had passed quite smoothly, much to Fenris' pleasure, and Hawke had informed him that morning that he would pick the two of them up from work when they were finished. Apparently his car had gotten fixed and, truthfully, it made Fenris wonder if his car had really been broken down in the first place or if Hawke had made it up solely to make his trek to Seheron sound far more impressive than it really was. Fenris considers that he could be over thinking it, but it admittedly seemed like something Hawke would do. At least, the Hawke that he had met so far.

It's about ten o'clock at night, Seheron just now finishing it's closing duties, when a car pulls up to the front of the shop and Fenris can only assume that it's Hawke's car. He drives a deep red Chevrolet truck that Fenris finds rather fitting for a man like him. It's obviously not brand new, the paint on it dull and the tires dusty from overuse, and Fenris can tell without looking at the year of the car that it's definitely one that Hawke's had since high school.

When Hawke rolls down the window, music of an unfamiliar band blares out of it before Hawke turns down the volume and grins over at Fenris and Isabela, obviously happy about this whole ordeal. While he has the chance, Fenris silently notes to himself that Hawke's smile is a nice, bright one that could possibly become contagious if you were around it too much. Perhaps that was how he had managed to tease and smile so much around Hawke when they first met.

"Am I here on time?" Hawke asks, deciding to pull his keys from the ignition to jump out of his car and stand in front of Isabela and Fenris. Again, this guy is massive. He's wearing a plaid shirt again, this time neutral grays, with a black tank top that seemed to be the same kind as the one he'd worn at the beginning of the week, the chest hair still poking out of the top just a bit. Was it embarrassing that he'd remembered such a trivial detail? The black pants he has on aren't near as tight, but they're certainly tight enough that Fenris can see his thick thighs that are most likely thick solely because of muscle, while he sports black Chuck Taylor's that you really only see on teenagers and college students nowadays. It suits him, though.

"Right on time!" Isabela perks up before Fenris has a chance, his demeanor just a bit hushed while his head swirls over the idea that he's going to meet unfamiliar people with someone he hardly knows as it is. Maybe it was a good thing that Isabela was coming with them.

Hawke takes a moment then to look at Fenris and his gaze is heavy. He's wearing the same combat boots he always wears, another set of black pants, and a dark gray tank top compared to the jet black one he'd been wearing when he met Hawke. He sports a beanie that was in his car and it suits his look along with his undercut. Isabela had said he looked good and it seemed that Hawke thought so as well. He can practically feel Isabela smirking at him.

Grinning, Hawke crosses his broad arms against his chest, muscles bulging underneath his shirt, "Fenris."

A shy smile slips on his lips, Fenris not used to being looked at so heavily, "Hawke."

"My friends are really excited to meet you. They think you're super cool and they all loved the tattoo you did for me. I told them that it was kickass and you were super into it when you were doing it. You get this look on your face y'know?" And Hawke, charming as ever, grins along with a light laugh while passing his palm over his nape in sheepishness, "I can't stop babbling around you, apparently."

Hawke was just so damned endearing! Perhaps it was just how obvious he was with his crush (because Hawke definitely had a crush) while simultaneously being oblivious about how obvious he was, or maybe it was just how he acted in general. Whatever it was, Fenris felt it and he hated how strong it was.

Isabela claps her hands together, startling Fenris and Hawke alike, "I hate to break up this love fest, but I actually think I might take my car. Might be better for the two of you in the end."

Internally groaning, Fenris does his best to bite back a sniping comment at her despite just how much he wants to, "You're telling me you're going to a bar and you won't drink anything?"

"I'll wait long enough that it'll be out of my system! Accusing me of drunk driving....what kind of person do you think I am, Fenris?" she states dramatically, to which Fenris shakes his head.

"I don't trust you to be totally honest on your word, _surprisingly_ ," and yes, that is sarcasm, "so I'll ask someone to watch you."

"My friend Aveline is going and she can watch over Isabela. She's a police officer, so you'll be dealing with _two_ people related in law," Hawke interjects to Fenris.

"Two?" he inquires then and it doesn't hit him until Hawke jerks his thumb to his chest, a slight grin of pride while he does so.

"Me! I'm a lawyer. My law school wasn't that high class, it was actually pretty average, but I love my job anyway. A lot of people tell me that I'm just a damn good lawyer which is how I got so lucky with the firm I'm in."

In truth, Fenris finds that Hawke being a lawyer is completely surprising but doesn't say anything about it. It wasn't like he knew all that much about Hawke yet anyway, so he couldn't really be making those sorts of accusations. A lawyer though...they typically seemed so...un-Hawkeish. Eloquent description yes, but it's the only way that he can explain it.

"Then it's settled! I'll take my car and you and your fancy cop friend can keep an eye on me," Isabela states as she's practically walking over to her car already, shooting a wink straight at Hawke while she does so. He seems humored by it, but otherwise unfazed.

Before Fenris has time to protest, Hawke is waving her off and Fenris is alone with this massive lumberjack man that he's going to be spending the evening with. This isn't the first time they've been alone, but it's the first time they've been alone in a setting that wasn't business. Hawke seems pretty happy to have him along as well and...Fenris feels oddly special about it. It's different from when customers admire his work or when people compliment him in the shop (although he doesn't exactly respond to those perfectly either) because it's _Hawke_ saying the compliments, and why that makes sense to him with such a vague description is something that Fenris has yet to discover.

Walking to the driver's side of the car, Hawke leaps in with ease and Fenris looks at the massive truck and feels so small just standing near it. It's almost like climbing a mountain to get in, although that may be exaggerating just a tiny bit for the average person. He thinks he hears a small chuckle from Hawke when Fenris slips into the passenger's seat before he puts his keys in the ignition and starts the sound of the engine. Which, actually, reminds Fenris of something.

Directing a slight smirk to the man by his side, Fenris has a look that's positively devious, "So, your car got fixed, huh?"

Hawke blushes in a way that shows he'd expected Fenris to forget about that, and Fenris has to try his absolute hardest to stifle a laugh from the reaction alone. "Well, I won't lie, I honestly thought that would impress you. I don't know why walking thirty minutes to a tattoo shop just for your tattoos would impress you, but something in my mind thought it was a good idea when I said it. I don't plan things well, you know?"

Chuckling softly, Fenris looks over to Hawke with amusement in his eyes, "I can see that. And, for the record, it didn't affect my opinion of you. It wouldn't have even if you drove in your car."

As he drives down the road, he rubs one hand on the back of his nape once more, his blush starting to calm down now, "I bet it makes me look like some kind of weirdo, huh?"

"A dork, mostly. Your tattoo source alone was enough for that, though," Fenris replies with another soft smile on his lips. He doesn't know why it's so easy to talk with Hawke, it just is. He feels comfortable around him, not enough to talk about sensitive material of course but...enough that he can smile, enough that he can tease and joke. It's something that he likes about him that doesn't come out often at work, or with anyone for that matter.

The rest of the drive goes well for the fifteen minutes or so that they're in the car. He assumes Isabela made it safe, having gotten the address of the place from Fenris earlier that morning when Hawke had sent him more details on The Hanged Man. She would've said something to him by now if there was a problem, that much Fenris knew was true. When they pull in the parking lot, the bar looks more like a tavern than anything and Fenris has to wonder just what kind of bar this really is. He's glad it's not too late, particularly because of the reputation The Hanged Man holds, but also because he wasn't into the night life anyway. The Blooming Rose with Isabela was the closest he would get to that.

The two of them get out of the car and meet with Isabela at the front entrance, to which she graciously lets Hawke lead the two of them inside. Upon entering Fenris immediately notices that it's not as packed as the average bar, doesn't even look like the average bar, but has enough people in it that it could be considered to be at a "steady" pace. There are lights on the ceiling that hang a glow over the place, but leaves it dark enough that it almost gives off a warm feeling to it. All the tables, chairs, bar counter, _everything_ is made of wood and if that alone doesn't give it a tavern feel then the music playing over the speakers definitely does.

To interrupt his observations, Fenris nearly jumps out of his skin when he spots Varric Tethras sitting at a table with two other people, a man and a woman. Varric Tethras is quite the popular author of a series titled "Hard in Hightown." It was a book that Fenris had touched upon many times in his spare time and found himself enjoying it more and more with each read. While he never wanted to be an author himself, he'd always enjoyed reading and did it whenever he actually had time to, Via more often than not curled up by his side while doing it.

It isn't until Fenris sees Hawke walk over to the table -- more like _dash_ over -- and wave the two of them over that Fenris realizes that Varric Tethras is one of the friends that they're going to be meeting. Suddenly, Fenris is feeling more interested in this entire ordeal than before.

"I didn't know you were friends with a famous author," Fenris states as he approaches the table, trying to sound calm about the ordeal when he truly feels like he might burst.

"Varric Tethras, author, as you seem to recognize, at your service," he states with confidence and a ton of charisma, something that doesn't surprise Fenris whatsoever. What does surprise him is his height. He's just a bit shorter than Fenris, which wasn't something that Fenris experienced often.

"This is Anders," Hawke starts while pointing to a middle aged man with his long blond hair tied up in a low ponytail, "and Aveline, the person who's going to be watching Isabela tonight."

Aveline looks exactly like a police officer would, despite the fact that she was wearing her uniform (which gives her position away _very_ obviously). That alone told Fenris that she took the job rather seriously, but it wasn't something he was going to complain about. He'd known enough police who didn't take their jobs seriously and Fenris disliked that strongly.

"Who did you volunteer for me to watch over?" Aveline questions incredulously, obviously not too amused about Hawke signing her up for responsibility without being there to defend herself, despite the fact that she seemed to leak "all business" and wasn't even drinking that night.

"That would be me, Big Girl," Isabela says in her teasing tone, already starting with the nicknames for others, while waving a palm at her before sitting down on the edge of the booth right next to her.

For the most part, the night went well. Fenris was quiet for a decent part of it, not because he didn't enjoy his time, but because he wasn't very good with new people. He didn't always interact very well, something that also had made him nervous for this event to begin with, but overall it was good. Fenris had a few drinks in the beginning, Merlot wine as usual, talked plenty with Varric about his novels and success in general, and spoke with Hawke in between Aveline and Isabela's background conversing. Talking of Varric's novels had brought them to talk of Fenris' own success, which caused them to compliment his tattoo parlor and his skills in general. It was just as Hawke said, they really did like his designs.

The only one that Fenris wasn't particularly fond of was Anders. He didn't know what it was, but something about the guy rubbed off on him. He seemed so...aloof to his presence, but it also seemed forced. Almost like Anders was trying to find a reason to hate him. Fenris had to wonder if he was like that all the time, but by the way he was giving him dirty looks for no explainable reason, something told Fenris that that wasn't the case. He ignored him most of the time though, placed comfortably next to Hawke in silence or choosing to speak with Varric, Hawke, or Aveline. He spoke to Isabela too of course, but he always spoke to her.

At the end of the event, at about one in the morning, everyone was beginning to think about calling it a night. Fenris doesn't blame them, some of them probably work early in the morning and it was already so late as it was. They all rise from their seats in the booth, Varric stating that he would just put the prices of their drinks on his tab, Isabela complaining about how she didn't drink enough alcohol that night, and Aveline interjecting that it was a good thing she didn't so she could actually drive home that night without alcohol in her system.

Despite the fact they had just joined this little group for the night, they seemed to all fit well together. Fenris was a little more soft spoken this time around, awkward about the situation, but he hoped he hadn't given the wrong impression. Saying goodbye to the rest of them, Isabela lastly, Fenris thanks them and gives a very small smile to them in departure. This leaves him alone with Hawke again and his big red truck, the only car left in the parking lot from their group at this point.

As they climb in, Hawke turns to Fenris to glance at him, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"You could've told me you knew Varric Tethras," Fenris replies, a soft smile being sent in his direction once again.

"I thought you'd like that which is why I kept it a surprise. Famous people meeting famous people, right?"

"Oh stop, I'm not famous. I'm just well known in California," he says matter-of-factly.

"That's famous enough to me," Hawke replies before pulling out of the parking lot, the lights of The Hanged Man quickly fading away from sight. "Really though, did you actually have fun? You were quiet a lot of the time. If it was gonna make you uncomfortable I wouldn't have pushed you so hard to go."

Had he really given off that impression? Perhaps he had been more silent during the hangout than he'd thought. Fenris shakes his head to deny Hawke's words, feeling somewhat surprised still, "No, I did enjoy it and I'm grateful you invited me. I just...I don't have a lot of people I'm close to so I'm not used to being with so many people, I think."

Hawke stops at a red light and lets his eyes linger on Fenris for a singular moment before his amber hues flicker back to the glow of red from the light, "Well, that's a relief. I think my friends like you a lot and not just because you make cool tattoos. They seem to actually like you for you. I mean, I like you for you too, but..."

Fenris lets a small chuckle slip through his lips at that, overall just amused by how Hawke could babble so much when he tried to explain himself, which just made things rather awkward in the process. Fenris didn't mind though, he wasn't exactly the most charismatic person in the world either. Hawke was still endearing, though, and that was something he didn't have.

"I like you for you too," Fenris says without thinking, and while he means it in a platonic manner, he feels his chest burn just slightly and his mind shouts a thousand warning at him that he should stop, turn back, and never talk to Hawke again. His burning chest seems to ignore him while his brain still panics, though. It's a constant war for him.

Fenris can see a genuine smile on Hawke's features at that, his eyes lingering on the man as he drives back to the Seheron parking lot to drop Fenris off, the lights of Los Angeles flashing onto his skin as they move through the city. Fenris can only just stare at him in that moment, not looking at anything in particular, while simultaneously looking at everything all at once. When had he started staring? After he'd said he'd liked Hawke? Fenris doesn't remember.

Before he knows it they're in the Seheron parking lot and Fenris isn't staring at Hawke anymore, for fear that he would tumble further than he's already allowed himself to at this point. Hawke parks right next to Fenris' car and grins at him when he shifts his truck into park.

"Just so you don't have to walk a ton."

Smiling, Fenris flickered his deep green hues over to him, "How sweet." Despite the fact that it sounds dry, like sarcasm, he means it.

Hawke grins, "I try my best." His grin lingers for a moment longer before he reaches over, as if to touch Fenris' wrist, but stops for a moment. It's almost like he's forcing himself not to do more, even though it was more than likely just a simple touch to get his attention.

"Fenris?" he questions then, like it's the most serious thing in the world and Fenris has to wonder.

"Hawke?" he mocks, remembering their earlier conversation from when Hawke came and got him earlier to begin their night.

"You should keep coming to the Hanged Man. Whether it's just you or you and Isabela, I don't care. I had fun with you tonight and if I can see you without it being a date then I'll take that," Hawke confesses, so serious as he does so that Fenris almost doesn't know what to say at first. There's a look in his eyes that's so deep that Fenris can't really read it, but he can feel it in the way Hawke looks at him.

"...I'll text you if I'm interested. You can visit Seheron sometime too, if you want."

Fenris says it before his mind can stop him, vomiting words from his chest instead of his brain, and bites his lip the moment he finishes saying it. That's not what he wanted to say! Inviting Hawke places, going to places with him...it would just bring them closer and that was the opposite of what he'd wanted. Right? Perhaps Isabela had been right about him...maybe there was something there and Fenris was just shoving it away. It didn't seem unlike him, anyway.

Hawke smiles at Fenris before leaning back over on the driver's side, his hand never touching Fenris the entire time, "Goodnight Fenris."

"Goodnight Hawke," he breathes before climbing out of the truck with his belongings, careful not to slip and fall out of it in the process, and then makes his way over to his much smaller car, not forgetting to give a returned wave to Hawke as he drives off into the Los Angeles colors of night.

The first thing he does is press his forehead against his steering wheel before silently praising whatever entity there was that there was no alcohol in his system so that he could drive home to Via with Hawke on his mind more than it had been that entire week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just posted a chapter a day or two ago and I don't have many views on this fanfiction let alone comments/likes, BUT I'm going to post updates here anyway for the future. My roommate and I actually brainstormed a SHIT ton of info for this fanfiction for like...an hour or two the other day so we are practically co-writing it at this point (although I'm the one putting it into practice really). I'm already invested in my ideas for this fic (as well as the ones she's offered) and while I still am not sure how I'm going to wrap this up (I've always been bad at that) at least I have something for now. If you've read this far, thank you again and I look forward to the future! As always, feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

"And it's done," Fenris says with ease as he looks down to his finished work, a thick, black line that curved around her eyebrow, over her cheek, and ended in an arrow at the edge of the teen's chin. It was an interesting tattoo, but also one that Fenris could find aesthetic value in. It was something he was admittedly interested in himself, but he promised that he would not do any further tattoos than he already had done. There was hardly any room for them anyway.

The mother of said teen was sitting in a chair nearby, keeping herself out of the way of Fenris' work. Her presence was one that gave off displeasure towards the idea of a tattoo, let alone a facial one, and Fenris certainly wasn't helping her opinion of that. Not that he cared so much about what the attitude was of a woman who looked like a suburban mother.

"I love it! Mr. Varga, this is better than I thought it would be!"

Fenris lets a small chuckle slip at the formal use of addressing him. "Mr. Varga..." it had been so long since he'd been addressed that way, unless it was mocking through Isabela. "I'm glad you like it. I've done that one many times on others in different colors, but it seems like the black is the most popular."

Fenris can't blame them, it's the best color for it.

While he gathers his belongings to place into the proper spot for cleaning, Fenris smiles fondly as he hears the distant tune of a particular song titled _Genghis Khan_ playing over the radio in his parlor. It's a song with a strange title, but one that Fenris enjoys nonetheless. Humming the tune softly under his breath, Fenris lets a couple of words flow through his lips before going to the front to deal with the irritated mother who isn't near as polite as her daughter.

Well, at least she'd taught her something of value.

Surprisingly, Seheron was actually on the quiet side that day. There had been a few customers that lingered in and out within the two hours they'd been open, but that was unusual for the parlor since he'd opened it. It didn't exactly concern Fenris, mostly because the male had a feeling that it was just a temporary situation, even if it was just for this part of the day. Perhaps there was something nearby occurring that was taking up people's time. He wouldn't be surprised, Los Angeles was rather active.

Just as he's about to move to the back to clean up his room before another customer comes in, Isabela and Merrill taking over the two that had been in the waiting area already, Fenris hears the tiny bell attached to the door ring and his eyes flicker over to greet the individual. He's expecting a stranger, but when he recognizes the person who walks in, his demeanor changes entirely.

"Hawke. What are you doing here? Aren't lawyers supposed to be busy people?" Fenris questions with the slightest semblance of teasing in his tone, just as much amusement in his eyes.

"Supposed to be," Hawke jokes right back with a small smile. "Actually, I'm on my lunch break. Or, on the way to it that is. On the way to the place--."

"Hawke," Fenris interrupts, smiling at him.

"Right, sorry. Anyway, I've gotta be quick with this, but I actually had a question for you."

There's something about him saying that that makes Fenris' stomach flip, not in the way that people described as "butterflies," but in the way that someone felt right before they were about to present a project in front of their boss. It was nerve-wracking. Fenris tries to make it seem like that's not the case on the outside, though.

"And what is that?" he questions in his best attempt at an even tone, pleasantly surprised at how convincing it actually did sound.

"So, first of all, if you're not busy tonight, I'd like to take you out. I know you keep telling me you don't date, but it's not a date still. It's more like...a hangout. A reason to see you."

That last part of his sentence made it sound like more of a "date-ish" manner than Hawke had probably intended, but it makes sense when Fenris considers it. Hawke most likely wants to be close to Fenris, wants to go out with him in the future. He's still skeptical on the idea, his stubborn attitude unwavering, but at least he's trying to talk to Hawke on a friendly basis now. It's hard, especially when Hawke is so physically appealing, but it's something that he can't let happen. He's not ready. He's not sure if he'll ever be ready anymore.

 

"On the off chance that I am free tonight, what did you have in mind for this not-date?" Fenris lightly jokes, something that he does more often around Hawke it seemed.

"Oh, I'm going to take you somewhere super fancy, Fenris. Don't worry," Hawke says with all the confidence and snark in the world. There's a part of him that makes him believe that Hawke is serious, but he waits to see the truth.

"Enlighten me."

Rattling off the address to Fenris, Hawke insists that he puts it in the GPS on his phone to find the location. Raising an inquisitive eyebrow at him, Fenris tries to wrap his head around just why Hawke is being so dodgy with the subject.

"Do you have a reason why you won't tell me where we're going? I don't even need the address since you're planning on taking me, it seems."

"Fenris!" Hawke whines, resting his chin in his hands as he places his elbows on the counter. It takes everything Fenris has not to look at his arm muscles. "I have a short break and I'm just trying to hang out with you tonight. Will you please just let me have this so I don't have to go back to work starving?"

Rolling his eyes with a light smile on his lips, Fenris decides to type the address into his phone _finally_ and waits for the GPS to locate his destination. What pops up makes a light grin appear on his lips and he almost lets a laugh follow it.

He glances up at Hawke, "A Steak 'N Shake?"

"It's the fanciest place in all of LA!"

"Truthfully," is Fenris' response before closing his phone, glad in that moment that Seheron is actually rather quiet. He's also glad that Isabela and Merrill are busy, honestly not needing the side commentary from Isabela that would likely come without a censor. He has a feeling Merrill's questions and Isabela's lack of censorship will become a double edged sword after Hawke leaves, though.

There's a small moment after Fenris' response where Hawke almost looks like he's dreaming, lost in Fenris by the way he's staring at him. He looks ridiculous, bent over at the waist so that he can rest his chin in his hands while watching Fenris who's leaning over the counter himself, closer to Hawke than he would be with the average customer. Perhaps it was because Hawke wasn't so average and was more than a customer. He was a friend.

Trying to ignore how Hawke looks in that moment, the amber of his eyes shining in a manner that's so bright he doesn't need the sun to enhance them, Fenris bites his lip and leans up a little, remembering that he's in a business setting.

"So, are you interested or should I try again next week?" Hawke questions now after their odd silence, the side of his face now rested in the palm of his hand, fingers curled against his cheekbone. His tone is more serious now, but still holds a semblance of joking air in it. Fenris has a feeling that he's not joking, though.

Pausing again for just the briefest of moments, Fenris tries to decide whether he should actually say yes. He's already taken up so much of Hawke's time already, knowing that his break is not a long one, so he needed to come up with something sooner rather than later. He tried not to look at Hawke too much while doing so, especially when molten hues watched him so endearingly, practically begging Fenris' answer to be a positive one.

He, of course, fails though and decides to admit his defeat because he has no choice otherwise. It's a "hangout," as Hawke put it, anyway. There should be no reason for him to be worried.

"I'm interested. Do you mind if I go home first, though? I need to feed my cat and change."

"You look fine in what you're wearing now," Hawke says with only genuine intentions, and Fenris doesn't miss the flick of his gaze across the parts of Fenris' body that he can see. So much for subtle.

"Despite what you may think, I'm still going to change," Fenris starts with a light smile. "...I'll give you my address? You can come get me at ten thirty if that's not too late. Seheron closes an hour early tonight, so I'll be home a little earlier than normal."

"Perfect! Just put it in my phone." Hawke slides his phone across the counter with the screen already on, exactly on his contact information.

"Am I so predictable?"

"I have an intuition."

A small smile comes out again -- when had Fenris ever smiled this much? -- and he types his fingers over the keys before handing the device back to a gleeful Hawke. He's like a glorified child. A large, lumberjack of a child.

"I'll see you tonight, Hawke," Fenris says while looking up to the male who was now standing at his full height. He just now notices the suit that Hawke is wearing, clinging to his muscles just like everything else he wore. It's a dark one, completely black, and Fenris tries not to let his eyes linger for too long, despite the fact that he'd wished he'd noticed Hawke wearing it sooner.

"I can't wait!" Hawke calls as he quickly makes way for the door. Fenris gives him a soft wave, hoping that he'll have time for his lunch after their conversation, before hearing a slight chuckle from Isabela and Merrill behind him.

Great.

"How long have you been waiting?" Fenris questioned, turning his head back to glare at Isabela far more than Merrill, who is more likely to be innocent over Isabela .

"Oh, not long Kitten. It was long enough for all of us to know better, though," she says in a teasing tone, gesturing to Merril and the people each of them had tattooed. They appear more amused than irritated.

Rolling his eyes, Fenris doesn't respond and returns to room in the back to finish what he had intended before Hawke had come in, trying to press down the excitement that was bubbling in his chest and the anxiety that he felt from logic.

* * *

 

The rest of the day had gone well for the most part, the typical customer that flinched far too much, the annoying mother and her bratty child, the list went on. Nevertheless, Fenris felt irritated on the drive home, not because of his minor stress-filled thoughts on the upcoming event for the night, but mostly because the drive home was grating at him. He wanted to get home _today_ , not next week, and not the week after that. Quite the exaggeration, but in Los Angeles it seemed like that sometimes.

Arriving home was nice, even if it was for a short moment. He doesn't feed himself like he normally would, knowing that he's about to go out with Hawke, but once he sets the bowl down for Via he steps over some secondary sketches that she had knocked off of the counter at some point during the day. He would tend to those _and her_ later.

He doesn't think much about what he should wear to the restaurant with Hawke, mostly because of the fact that it wasn't anywhere fancy, it was going to be nearly eleven at night by the time they got there, and because it wasn't a date in the first place. It seemed like such a silly concept, two grown men going to Steak N' Shake at eleven at night, but it didn't surprise him one bit. Perhaps if he had been alone, but Hawke was the one who had suggested this non-date. It was an entirely different story.

Deciding on black pants with a longer sleeved gray shirt, Fenris pulls them on along with some basic tennis shoes that were more suitable for the evening. His feet often grew tired after wearing his combat boots for the entire day, but they were convenient for the work place in their own way. They seemed almost too...edgy for Steak N' Shake.

He sits at the table and watches Via, who is near enough for him to pet, as he waits for Hawke to arrive. It's only ten twenty, so he's not surprised that he isn't there yet, but expecting him only fair.

"A handsome man is taking me out tonight, Via. His name is Garrett Hawke, although he prefers to be called by his last name. I don't know why I'm going out with him. Do you think he's going to ruin me?"

Via, of course, doesn't answer and he doesn't expect her to. For one, she's a cat, and she's eating her food anyway. She doesn't have time to listen to his babbling, but he only feels comfortable talking about it to her. Perhaps it was a cat person thing, or perhaps he was just silly.

It's then that he hears a knock on his door and Via's ears perk up in confusion and surprise, the sudden interruption enough for her to look up from her precious food bowl. Fenris knows who it is, knows that it has to be Hawke. He doesn't have any visitors this late, let alone at all.

"It's okay, Via. It's just Hawke, don't worry."

As if she understands, she looks at him with unblinking eyes before returning her head to her food bowl, unconcerned. Fenris makes his way over to the door and opens it then, looking up at Hawke with the faintest of grins. He looks good, despite being so casual. A red shirt, that was perhaps meant to be loose, strained against his muscles and it was clad with black pants and the same shoes he'd been wearing when they went to the bar the other night. His hair is a little tousled, but it looked good anyway.

"Ready to go?" Hawke questions in a cheery manner, not looking anything like the man in the suit who had shown up in his shop earlier that day, but acting just like him regardless.

"As ready as I can be." Fenris says a quick goodbye to Via before turning out the lights and locking the door behind him, his keys quickly being deposited in his messenger bag for safekeeping. There's a beanie in his bag, much to his pleasure due to the fact that he'd forgotten to grab one, and he pulls it over his head immediately to protect his head from the chill.

In truth, it's only about sixty degrees outside, not even close to enough for fogging up his glasses from the cold, but Fenris had always been a cold person. It was hard for him to keep warm, hence why Isabela and Merrill more often than not complained about the temperature in Seheron, Isabela often stating that they should call it _Sahara_ instead of Seheron, which caused Fenris to roll his eyes in response. It was why he wore long sleeves and pants that evening, although he wore pants anyway, but still.

They approach Hawke's car, Fenris having just as much trouble climbing into it as before, and he settles himself comfortably in the seat that he had just been in just a few days ago. Hawke puts the keys in the ignition and almost immediately the radio lets out the soft lyrics of an Elton John song from it's speakers, one to which Fenris immediately recognizes. Tiny Dancer.

"Oh, yeah, this song. Yeah, I wasn't really listening to it, it just kinda showed up on my playlist. I've never actually listened to Elton John in my life...not that I know that the artist is E--."

And Fenris decides to shut him up by reaching over to turn the volume up on the stereo, the chorus now blaring at a louder sound as Fenris lightly hums the tune under his breath. He doesn't look at Hawke, but he has a feeling that Hawke is smiling from ear to ear, or at least hopes he is. Fenris didn't always listen to older music like this, Arctic Monkeys was his favorite band despite it being far younger than him, but Elton John was certainly a singer that he could return to many times with pleasure.

As they drive down the road, Fenris turns his head to glance at Hawke, "You were probably singing it at the top of your lungs on the way here, am I correct?"

Giving a sheepish look, but not quite blushing, Hawke chuckles just slightly and stares out at the road, "Am I that obvious?"

"Your rambling doesn't exactly have much subtly in it, Hawke," Fenris informs, tilting his head just slightly.

"Maybe I should work on that a little more."

They converse a little more as they drive to the Steak N' Shake, not stopping even when they get there. The radio played Elton John the entire time, only proving that Hawke's attempt at showing a lack of interest in the singer was a horrendous attempt. He wasn't sure why Hawke had tried to hide it in the first place, but perhaps he was just misreading what would impress Fenris or not once more. Fenris wouldn't exactly be surprised if that was the case.

They climb out of the truck, Fenris practically tumbling out, and enter the restaurant, Fenris still amused over the situation itself. It seemed silly still, the two grown adults being here in this moment. Perhaps there were no rules. They are seated at a table with menus and Fenris assumes that they're not getting food, only shakes. He's only been here once or twice, so he honestly doesn't have a favorite, but the caramel apple one sticks out to him almost immediately. When the waitress comes over, Fenris says what he wants and Hawke adds that he wants a pumpkin spice milkshake, to which Fenris smirks a little.

When the waitress walks away, Fenris directs the smirk at him in teasing, amused, "Pumpkin spice?"

"Are you about to make a hipster joke? You're not so far from hipster yourself, Fenris," Hawke shoots right back at him and it only makes Fenris chuckle a little bit.

"Fair point," he responds, giving in to Hawke and letting him have this one.

There's a brief moment of silence between the two once again, but not an awkward one. Hawke is back to pressing his chin in his hands, gaze looking between the atmosphere of the fairly abandoned Steak N' Shake and then sometimes Fenris, almost like he's trying to avoid staring at him. Fenris appreciates that, although he can tell that Hawke isn't being particularly subtle about it. He has a hard time not staring himself though, the diner-style music playing throughout the building sounding farther off than it actually is in that moment, his brain far more interested on the man before him over anything else. Despite how much he wants to stray away from a relationship, Fenris hates to admit how often he looks at Hawke, how often he notes to himself that Hawke is good looking, and how often he wants to spend time with him. It's just giving Hawke hope, hope that he certainly doesn't need.

Breaking the silence, Fenris opens his mouth to speak, "Is your tattoo healing well?" It's a casual inquiry, but it's better than nothing.

"Oh, yeah! It's doing great," Hawke says before reaching over to tug up his already short sleeve a little bit, showing the tattoo design off from the other side of the table. Fenris resists the urge to look at the muscle, instead focusing on the tattoo. He was right, it really was doing well.

"That's good," Fenris replies casually, eyes lingering on the tattoo before looking at Hawke's face with interest in his eyes, detecting just how molten his eyes actually were. Again with the staring...it was a bad sign in every single shape and form. Hawke staring back didn't make it any better.

"So, even though this is a non-date and this is going to sound totally date-ish, I want to know more about you. I've only learned a little bit from you so far and I like you already, so you have to tell me more now," Hawke babbles, leaning back with his arms crossed against his chest casually, but his face only read that he was interested.

"What would you like to know then, Hawke?" Fenris challenges, wondering just where the taller would go with his question.

"I...uh.." Hawke starts unintelligibly, obviously not having a solid plan for what he wanted to ask Fenris. "How about...your favorite color? That's horrible, I know, but indulge me, please? I mean not like---...right, sorry."

Fenris closes his eyes and his expression breaks out in a bright smile, teeth and all, almost like he's laughing, but only a slight rush of air comes out of his nostrils. He understood why Hawke sputtered at the end, but decided to keep it to himself this time. "It's red."

Hawke, pausing for a moment, looks down at his red shirt and then back up to Fenris with a charming grin despite his awkward nature, "Wow. Are you trying to say you only like me because of my shirt? I mean, really Fenris, my shirt is flattered, but he's taken."

An eyeroll ensures at that, but the smile on his lips betrays him wholeheartedly, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize he was spoken for."

And this brings out a laugh from Hawke that sounds so smooth that Fenris can practically feel his heart swell at it. He hates that it's happening because he knows exactly what it means, but Fenris temporarily ignores it. It's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing he keeps telling himself over and over because then maybe he'll believe it.

Their shakes come then and they share them wholeheartedly through some casual talk and teasing, which Fenris is starting to believe to be requited flirting now that he was teasing right back with Hawke. He was so easy to be around, so easy to talk to, and it wasn't something that Fenris had experienced in so long. It was actually refreshing to be so comfortable around someone, and while Fenris felt the occasional pang of anxiety, his brain telling him that he should stop, that only bad things would come if he continued, he would ignore it for another chance at the sound of Hawke's laugh, the light in his eyes coming alive like dancing little lanterns in his irises.

Hawke offers to pay for their meal, and Fenris denies saying that he already drove them there and gas was probably expensive enough as it was for his giant truck, so Fenris pays for the meal because he can easily afford it. It was only two shakes; the price was nothing that would break Fenris' bank. The evening was a success, and while it was a non-date, Fenris has a feeling that he was growing dangerously comfortable with Hawke. His chest tells him that it's a good thing, his brain screams otherwise.

The drive home is a comfortable one, the continuation of the Elton John playlist a pleasure to Fenris' ears as Hawke decides that he'll let Elton John do the talking until they get home. The talking from him doesn't stop until they pull into the parking lot of the complex, Hawke turning down the radio so he can speak to Fenris properly, not with a temporarily unwanted guest in the background.

"I had a great time with you tonight, Fenris," Hawke starts and Fenris recognizes the statement easily. It was the kind of statement that someone said after a date, right before they wanted someone to kiss them. Hawke probably _did_ want Fenris to kiss him, but he wasn't ready for that. He wasn't even thinking about kissing, in fact, he was hardly thinking about a relationship.

"As did I," Fenris responds in attempt to make light of how he was feeling, the anxiety actually beginning to spread in his chest now, the place that had been ignoring his brain the entire evening. Swallowing lightly, he tries not to show how nervous he actually does feel. There is silence between the two that's deafening this time, a silence Fenris urges to go away with all his might.

And then it happens. Hawke's palm reaches over to lightly brush on the underside of Fenris' jaw, his index and middle finger tilting his chin up just slightly so that he can press his lips in a featherlight touch against his forehead. It's an action that Fenris wasn't expecting, and while it wasn't even a lip kiss, it was still a kiss and it startled Fenris regardless. That was it. Friendship possibility ruined for the night. Hawke had taken it into a romantic zone that Fenris wasn't prepared for. He doesn't shove Hawke away because Hawke moves on his own, but Fenris quickly reaches down for his bag as the anxiety builds up in his chest despite how he had been feeling all evening.

"Goodnight Hawke," he says quickly, opening the door of the giant truck to climb out of it as quickly as he could without falling.

"Wait, Fenris!" Hawke says in a hurried manner, his own kind of shock present on his features in that moment.

"Goodnight," he says again before closing the door and Fenris hurries himself towards the apartment building with the proper number on it. Perhaps he had been too dramatic. It was just a forehead kiss, nothing more, but Fenris acted as if he'd forced him down and tried to make out with him in the back seat. Maybe it was because it felt like that to him, albeit not as anxiety inducing. Maybe it was because it actually _was_ more than just a forehead kiss. Feelings were loaded into a kiss, at least a kiss from Hawke, and they had been feelings that Fenris was trying to avoid, feeling that he'd been burying down deep. It was the whole reason he had continued to wonder why he hadn't rejected Hawke in the first place. He had not been prepared, and while Hawke had been so gentle, Fenris' anxiety reacted so loud.

Quickly unlocking the door to his apartment and turning on the light, he stepped over the secondary sketches he had stepped over before the non-date, tumbled over to his room and collapsed onto his bed. How could he let this happen? This was a wake up call that he needed to stop, that he wasn't ready. Casual flirting and banter hardly did anything to him, but Fenris didn't partake in casual _anything_ romantic related.

Via jumps by Fenris' side and mews softly, nuzzling her head against his white hairs and Fenris sighs, glancing up to look at her. She seemed worried and just seeing her calmed him down just slightly, even though she didn't say anything. Perhaps that was the best way to console him.

He hears his phone chime in his back pocket and Fenris has a feeling he knows who it is but he looks anyway, knowing that he couldn't resist. Unlocking it and pressing the new message notification, Fenris sighs at the text before him.

[ Hawke; 12:00am ] _fenris...im so sorry. please forgive me_

"What should I do, Via...?"

And Via, of course, doesn't respond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, genghis khan is a real song and it's by miike snow. no, miike is not a typo LMAO. also I'll have you guys know that my mom texted me while I was writing this and I told her I was writing something and she knew that it was fanfiction and that it involved fenris so if you guys needed anymore proof that I'm predictable, there it is.
> 
> but honestly though, I'm really surprised I'm getting these chapters out so quickly. I'm not even trying to rush them, the ideas are just pouring through my head so easily! anyway, for anyone who's liked/commented/read this, I appreciate your support and look forward to the future! feedback, as always, is welcomed.


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